Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
