i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
