Screwed.edu
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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