i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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