he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
