I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
