dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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