ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
