im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
