Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
