shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
