thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
