I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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