I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
