Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
