Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
