So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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