my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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