dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
