I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
