i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
