I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
