when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
