she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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