im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
