I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
