so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
