I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
