the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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