ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
