I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
