I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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