I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My balls are so social today.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
