Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
