Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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