Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize