Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize