so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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