dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
