OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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