If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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