I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
