You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
