I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
