It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
