At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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