He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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