I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
