So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Let's paint friendship bongs
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
