john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
