she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
