Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
