When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
