i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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