Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
