you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
