TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
