my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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