like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
