You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
