I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Even my vagina gasped.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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