oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
