I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize