If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
