How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
