The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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