Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
