Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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