I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
