I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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