Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
